I wish I was a 'Real Man'.......

Men's Lib.

 

I wish I was a REAL man.

That's the key thing I have learnt from shows like Trisha and Jeremy Kyle. I am not a 'REAL' man.

Well not by their standards. Sure, I have been training for 35 years in the Martial Arts. I have been a bodyguard to the nephew of the Sultan of Brunei and the Prime Minister of Kashmir. I have been a stunt man in Batman and Highlander. I have created wealth from my own ideas coming from nothing to figures counted in the hundreds of thousands of pounds (and spent it too)

So, I have got my 'Rufty-Tufty' side sorted but there is more to me than that.

I am in touch with my feelings and others too. I am kind to small creatures. I read poetry, I listen to classical music. I cry like a complete wuss at sad movies. I cook, I clean ( badly) - I love musicals and I am good with colours. (However, I don't like Judy Garland or Liza Minnelli so I am not Gay........fingers crossed)

I raise over a million pounds a year for charity. I have a wonderful ten year old son but still I am not a 'Real' man in their book.

And I OVERJOYED to know that. :-) Let me share a thought with you - and it’s something I have been noticing for years now from studying day time chat shows for years.

Most men's concept of what a 'Real' man should be has been taught to them by the WOMEN around them. Most men don't have their own idea of what a 'Real' man should be. They only know the idea because a woman has told them what a 'Real' man should be.

(Well, if you were a REAL man, you would hand all your money over to your woman. If you were a REAL man you would never raise your voice to your girlfriend. Anyone can father a child but it takes a REAL man to be a parent. If you were a REAL man you would...........- insert random demeaning command here.)

And men - poor, stupid dull witted men, not only allow themselves to buy into this baloney, they start to reinforce it as well by repeating it!

Personally, I think it’s tragic that we seem to have a generation of men with no idea what they are 'supposed' to be - other than whatever their wife's, girlfriends, sisters, mothers and grandmothers TELL THEM they should be.

So it goes on. A man leaves his mother and her unwitting programming, straight into the arms of his girlfriend/partner/wife and into her programming matrix. (When everyone around you is spouting the same tune, it's easy to eventually learn the words and join in on the chorus...)

And clearly this cuts both ways. Millions and millions of women across generations have been 'shoe horned' into roles that they were conned into believing they were born to fulfil. Brainwashed at birth to be a good little girl. Same rules apply here.

This is the price for not being 'self-actualised'.

When we don't question the basic 'rules' of our lives such as 'Why have I got to do this?" and "Exactly where is it written that I cannot do that?" then we are doomed to just act out a pantomime life.

Playing a role that we are desperately lost in but not believing there is another way to go.

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.

Henry David Thoreau, "Walden", 1854

There is a line in the movie 'Fight Club' which resonated with me as well.

“We are a generation of men brought up by woman. I don't think another woman is the answer I am looking for".

Actually, I would hazard a guess that when seeking the answer to the question "who are you really inside" that no one - either a man or a woman - is the 'answer' you are looking for.

(On a positive side, when a self-actualising man and woman get together on the path, well, this can be the happiest of unions because they both give what they need to receive which is of course, freedom. Freedom to question, freedom to explore themselves and freedom to just 'be'. Two independent people who stand together but alone rather than the usual 'popcorn' couples model of two half's making one complete unit.)

Its easy to climb inside someone else's personality to bolster your own. Easy to live 'a life of quiet desperation' rather than challenge the Status Quo. Easy to live an unexamined life and puke out other peoples answers to the 'big questions' than to think about them yourself.

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.

Henry David Thoreau, "Walden", 1854

Food for thought.

Originally posted on Tuesday, November 28, 2006 at 02:19PM